Uncertainty. Decisions. Let's do this.

So last post, I gave the overview of our journey with infertility and where we stood.  We left on the note that Brian and I would be waiting a year to go through with the IVF cycle in Greece due to my recent diagnosis with shingles.  We were as okay with that decision as we could be.  To explain recent events...we have to go back in time a bit.  

When I first got my diagnosis with shingles, I emailed our main contact here (the nurse practitioner in our doctors office - named Brandi) and our contact in Greece (Ruth).  I received an email back from Ruth saying that I should be fine to continue on with IVF - yay!  Good news.  I received an automatic reply from Brandi that she was on vacation...for the next two weeks. Bah!  Because we like to cover all of our bases, I called the doctors office here and talked to the other nurse practitioner named Karen.  She wasn't sure about how shingles would effect IVF and so she wanted to talk to others in the office.  They didn't know either.  She talked to the embryologist and he is the one who said MAYBE the shingles could negatively effect the IVF cycle.  His reasoning was that the virus that causes it is in the chicken pox family and if a woman gets chicken pox in their first trimester, the chances of birth defects increases.  Since I have shingles, I could potentially expose the new embryo to the virus and it could have negative effects. 

So since one person said that it could be dangerous - we decided to postpone for a year.  

We are dealing with our decision, we let Ruth/Greece know we aren't coming and its obviously not a good day for us.  I write the previous blog post to help process everything and I feel pretty content that we made the right decision - its just too risky.

Five days after my original blog post.  

Brandi (remember the nurse practitioner from our doctor's office here) is back from vacation and she sees my original email and replies that it should be fine.  Shingles should have no effect. 

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.  

So. 

Many. 

Mixed. 

Opinions. 

So of course my mind starts working.  I start doing more research.  I again, can't find any that connects shingles and IVF.  I read about shingles.  A lot.  I probably know more about shingles than I ever wanted or needed to know.  Its remnants from the chickenpox virus that I got when I was younger that stayed in my nerve endings and then gets reactivated...normally by stress.  Go figure.  Stress.  Psh.  I'm the least stressed out person alive. :)  So once its reactivated, it stays along a single nerve line and produces a rash with sores that are incredibly painful.  Mine happened to be on my right side extending from my spine to my underarm.  

At this point, most of the people we talk to and the research we find says that shingles don't effect the reproductive organs and it shouldn't be an issue since mine didn't spread past my one nerve line.  Only one doctor has said that MAYBE it could have an effect but there is no research supporting it.  

So Brian and I talk.  We go over the maybes, the what ifs, all the uncertainty.  We try and make a decision - but all of our decisions are normally fact based.  There are no facts to go off of here.  We are worried we are just hearing what we want to hear and not what is right.  But in this scenario - is there a right?  Without the ability to look into the future, how do you know?  *if any of you have some magic crystal ball you'd like to share...now would be the time to point that out to us* :) 

So we have three major questions in our mind.  

1.  What if we go, it works and the baby is perfectly healthy? <---obviously the scenario we want!

2.  What if we go, it doesn't work....was it the shingles or was it really never going to work? 

3.  What if we go, it works, but something happens to the baby?  Would we ever forgive ourselves for being impatient? 

Question 3 is really the hardest to swallow.  What if something happens?  But...science me is thinking the birth defect rate for the chicken pox/1st trimester connection is only 1-2%.  That's really not much.  At all.  Its more than 0%...but still.  

All of this uncertainty and decisions are hard to process. So we contact Ruth (the nurse from Greece) and ask her to talk to the doctors/embryologists there.  They think we should be perfectly fine - no issues.  Okay...remember when we said that none of Brian's sperm were moving last time?? What if that happens again...she replied that again, its no problem.  There are ways around that.  *disclaimer - we don't know for sure what it is, we are still waiting on the test results*

Back and forth. 

What do we do?

Uncertainty.

Lots of questions.

No right answer. 

Time to make a decision.  

Let's do this.  

So - we decide - let's do this.  

There will always be risk.  The majority of doctors (minus one) says that shingles should have no issue.  Is one person's MAYBE worth waiting another whole year??  What if shingles reoccurs next year?? Right now, the timing just feels right to us.  We think this is the right decision for us and we are going to go for it.  

So....

Flights are booked. 

We will be staying with Ruth (the nurse).

Protocol is made. 

Timeline is set.  

We have a house sitter/dog sitter.  

We will be in Greece from July 18th - August 5th.  And if all goes well and it's meant to be - we will come home pregnant!  

We know there is risk.  But there is always risk.  Please keep us in your thoughts, prayers, juju, good vibes or anything else positive! We will keep you updated!